I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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