btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
