I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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