I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
