Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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