Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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