Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
