wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
