I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
