Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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