I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Houston, we have a blender
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
