I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
