Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
