Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
