after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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