He kissed a someone with a penis
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
