First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
