i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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