I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
