I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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