You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
