he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
