Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
