Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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