people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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