tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
