I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
