I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
