I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
