yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
