I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
