I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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