the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
