So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
