he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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