I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
