if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
