tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
