My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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