McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
