Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
