Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
