so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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