Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
