Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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