I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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