ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
