I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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