Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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