I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
