I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
