New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
