dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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