Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
