What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
