just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
