I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
