Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
