I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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