he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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