it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
