evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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