You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
