dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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