You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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