i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
