my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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