What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
