I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
