Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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