yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
