Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
