it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
