You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
