your thong is hanging out like whoa
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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