first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
