You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
