Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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