i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
