Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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